Archive for June, 2010

Friends vs Husbands

June 1, 2010

I think it is unfortunate that people try to find a husband or wife as if there is a position which needs filled. We don’t go about finding new friends this way: we encounter a person, see if we like them, how we get along, and then if we feel a desire to interact with them again, we arrange it. We are friends with them because we like to be around them, we have fun with them, they are people with whom we feel comfortable.

(I’ll speak from the perspective of women, while assuming men act in similar ways and with similar motivations.)

On the other hand, we women approach men as if we are in need of finding someone, and we’re looking for a person that will fit into our mold. We lineup the man to what we’re imagining, what we’re trying to find, what our “list” has on it. “Well, I always wanted someone who plays piano…” “He doesn’t have anger issues, that’s good!” “You should see all the accomplishments on his resume.” Yes, very well and good, they are a good person who will provide. But how much does that count for how much you really enjoy that person? Is it difficult not to contact them? Do you feel like your time is more enjoyable, that you’re more fun, that life is just better when you’re around them? Or is it just that they’ll do? they’re husband material? they’re the type of man you imagined yourself with?

Why do we feel as if we are in need of finding someone? Wouldn’t we rather marry a friend who we can’t NOT be with?